We all have baggage. No matter what good intentions your parents might have had, you can bet they managed to screw you up in one way or another.
As parents ourselves, one of our many jobs is to try not to pass our baggage onto our kids. And while it’s true that we’ll probably just end up screwing them up in another way, at least our kids will have their own baggage to carry and not ours. Because really, once they get to therapy down the road, it will be easier for them to own their issues if they are, in fact, theirs.
You know that feeling when you became a parent that you would never do _____ the way your parents did? Imagine losing that opportunity – even temporarily.
We are still struggling with the teenager, only now it’s from a distance, as he is staying with his grandparents. The situation has not only crystallized the baggage my husband still carries, but has raised a lot of concerns about the way that same baggage is now being passed directly onto the teenager without the generational filtration system that is necessary for improvement. It’s like standing behind a two-way mirror, watching mistakes being repeated, knowing full well what the outcome will be, and not being able to stop it.
It's not being able to parent.
Who knows what’s best? It’s about perspective. As our parents’ grown children, we have a perspective they will never have – the same will be true for our children. So even though I believe I’m doing my best today, my kids will have the knowledge they need to do even better with their kids. I would never wish that opportunity away from them.
And I hope that when that time comes, I will know better than to think that I know better.
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