Fear(less)

An interesting and deceiving thing about anxiety is that you think you're preparing yourself for something...or everything. You think worrying about every possible scenario means that you'll know what to do when it happens, but then when you are actually confronted by one of your fears, it's always different than you thought and your reaction will probably surprise you. And all that anxiety was a waste of time.

I know this, and yet it doesn't quiet the "what ifs" that scream in a constant loop through my mind. Knowing that I can't prepare only makes me more anxious.

I could say many things about the situation with the teenager here...about how every time I think we've seen the worst of it, it gets worse...but the important thing for today is that he is safe. He is with people who are helping him and so far, he seems to be warming up to the idea that maybe life doesn't have to be so hard. That is to say that I am hopeful, but in an ultra-cautious, don't-want-to-have-my-heart-broken-again-this-week way. The bottom line is that as long as he's willing to go another round, so are we.

Because no matter how terrified I am of what will happen next, it can't be worse than having to confront my greatest fear of all...never having to worry about him again.