Sometimes the water is calm. Today, it all seems just a little more manageable. Like it really won't go on forever...I see that glimmer of hope that so often gets obscured by the chaos.
I watched Oprah last night (on Tivo) and she was talking about wastefulness. She profiled a family with three teenagers who all have plasma TVs and computers in their bedrooms, cell phones, iPods, closets full of unworn clothes - you know, pretty much everything. They didn't say, but it did not appear that any of the kids had jobs. The point of the show was to see if they could go without all of these things for a week, but what struck me was how much easier it probably is just to give your kids everything and just not think about it.
Sometimes I wonder if all the work we put into trying to teach integrity and responsibility is even worth it. So far he isn't demonstrating much of either. Yes, of course I know it's the right thing to do...I think what I'm wondering is, Why does the right thing always seem to be the hardest thing?
There are days when I just want to surrender, to give in, to stop worrying about instilling values and just let him do whatever the hell he wants. I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to say no anymore. I just want to live my life and say to hell with parenting. I think this might make us all very happy for a moment...unfortunately, appeasing him at age 16 does not translate to helping him lead a happy life for the next 80 years. And I know that. And I can't stop knowing it. And so I can't stop caring what he does and who he becomes.
So we keep on paddling.
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