But not today. Today I am admitting the overwhelming sense of overwhelmedness(?) that I feel when I wake up in the morning knowing that I am facing yet another 4, 5, 6 day stretch in single parent mode (and btw, yes, I know that real single parents have it much harder). About the urge I have to keep the kids home from school and cancel all appointments and stay in my pajamas all day and not fight with anyone about putting on shoes or doing homework or eating their lunch...the desire to accomplish absolutely nothing.
My husband has to travel for work - that's part of his job...the job that provides us with health insurance and a decent wage from which we try to live. I knew he would have to travel when he took this job. It seemed worth it to have a stable income and health insurance that actually pays for things like doctor visits. But when the travel stacks up and he's gone more than he is home...it's just too much.
I'd love to be supermom...to derive some sort of strength from knowing I can single-handedly keep the household humming along with minor interruption...but as Liz Phair so succinctly sums it up, "There are days when I'm too tired."*
Plus, I suspect that all the so-called supermoms cry themselves to sleep at night...or at least have developed some kind of pill habit (not that I'm judging).
More than anything, I think what weighs on me are my conflicting feelings of wanting to be near these little people, whom I love more than anything...wanting to do everything in my power to make them happy...while simultaneously wanting to hand them the remote and crawl back under the covers (or better, to jet off to Aruba).
Believe me, I don't think I'm unique in feeling this way, it's just that sometimes the only way to relieve some of the pressure is to say these things out loud. And so...
My husband is out of town again and it sucks. My kids will likely watch too much TV and we'll probably get fast food for dinner at least once (even though our account balance says we shouldn't) and I'll likely be in bed by 8:30, eating ice cream out of carton...but we will all be okay. And probably even mostly happy.
*From "Wind and the Mountain" (Contrary to popular belief, not all of her post "Whip-Smart" material is crap)
*From "Wind and the Mountain" (Contrary to popular belief, not all of her post "Whip-Smart" material is crap)
2 comments:
and those are the days your kids will not remember you as a failure or anything! Have a picnic supper on the floor (or on a tablecloth on the floor.) I've had a sleepover in my room - with all 3 kids, and then remembered that since they're all in there, I could go sleep in on of their TWIN beds, and really get a nights sleep alone. Write dad a letter so the kids can fill him in on what's going on. When we had 3-4 trips in a 6 week period, I made a paper chain, with special colors the days dad came home, and used another color when dad left. The upside to that - there was a holiday and a birthday in the middle to be excited about, too, not just looking for Dad to come home. Do you have a ritual where they have phone time each nite? Often I make a treat (more for us) to have with dad, when he came home. Good luck, and we're pulling for ya! Ellyn
You are so sweet - and much, much more creative than I am. :)
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