After seven months on the waiting list, today is the day Owen will get his ASD re-evaluation. When he was diagnosed 2 years ago, the doctors recommended we come back in 18 months-2 years based on the possibility that he would "outgrow his diagnosis."
It's a strange concept, to simply outgrow a diagnosis...doesn't that mean it was the wrong diagnosis to begin with? But I have heard of it happening -- in fact, it just happened to one of the boys' best friends. Much to his mother's surprise, he no longer qualifies for any special ed services through the school district and seems to be developing into a fairly typical boy. His mother, of course, isn't sure whether to be happy or scared and who can blame her? It's all just someone's best guess, really. One day you have autism and the next day you don't? There's so little scientific evidence of anything that we, as parents, are left to rely on our own gut feelings and the opinions of "experts."
I'm not going into this evaluation today hoping that they'll tell me Owen doesn't have autism after all. I can see clearly that he is on the autism spectrum. But what I've never been clear on is where that line between classic "autism" (which is what he is currently diagnosed with) and Asperger's Syndrome is drawn. Based on what I've learned about Asperger's, that seems like the most fitting diagnosis for Owen. He is very verbal. He is very smart. And he's very high-functioning. So I guess I'm looking for that expert opinion to either tell me that yes, he does have Asperger's or to help me understand the difference.
Does it matter? Well, only from the perspective that I'd like him to be diagnosed accurately. It doesn't change who he is. It doesn't change who he will become. But, unfortunately, there is a lot of weight put on labels and I think it's only fair that his label be correct. I will admit that I think he would have an easier time in school with an Asperger's diagnosis. Right or wrong, there seems to be an understanding that Aspies are eccentric but also very smart and should therefore be given a little extra leeway. My experience with autism within the neurotypical education system is that they are quick to place limits on these kids...to only expect so much.
I don't think I ever blogged about this, but in our last IEP meeting, Owen's preschool teacher proposed recommending that in kindergarten, Owen be allowed to complete shorter assignments than the other kids. Her reasoning was that he works slowly and will get frustrated if he is behind all the other kids. Or, we suggested, perhaps he will learn to work more quickly. Plus, anyone that thinks he wouldn't notice that he wasn't doing the same work as the rest of the class doesn't know Owen very well. We refused to sign until that "recommended adaptation" was removed.
Anyway, I'm trying to be very clear with myself on what my expectations are for this evaluation today. The last time, I was hoping the doctors would tell me the school district was wrong, that he didn't have autism, that he was clearly just a genius. Obviously that's not what happened. Having learned so much since then, I want to go in with realistic expectations today.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up because hope seems like to wrong emotion...I want to believe that it doesn't matter what they say...it doesn't change who he is. But I can't help feeling like his life might just be a tiny bit easier with the label of Asperger's. And I think any parent would like to hear a doctor say that their child's disorder isn't as severe as previously thought.
So I guess I'm trying to go in with no expectations. Because when it comes to autism, no one can predict the future. And Owen doesn't want to be called anything other than "Owen" anyway.
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