Princess Mania and Recovering from It

The boys got their first classmate birthday party invite of the year! As much as I don't really enjoy the uncertainties of buying gifts for kids I don't know and then having to go through the whole "Do I have to stay? Or can I go enjoy 2 hours alone?" aspect of classmate birthday parties, I don't take those invites for granted. I worry that as they get older, those invites might not always come. Or worse, that they might come for one and not the other. 

It's really hard to say which of them will have a harder time socially. Obviously, Owen is expected to be socially awkward -- that's pretty much the definition of high-functioning autism -- but on the flip side, one of the gifts of autism is that even if he doesn't make a lot of friends, he probably won't care all that much. My little Aidan, on the other hand, wants to be everyone's friend but doesn't realize that he alienates people (yes, already at age 5) with his extraordinary intelligence and inability to stop talking. I often find myself worrying more for him just because he takes everything so hard.  

So maybe the best scenario is that the invites just stop coming for both of them...okay, so I'm over simplifying, but it would make it a little easier if they were equally as socially awkward, wouldn't it?  Maybe they'll actually feel less awkward because they're both so awkward. And I know a parent's unconditional love only means so much to kids at a certain age, but at least they can always count on us to embrace their weirdness. 

But I digress...back to the birthday party. This party is for a girl, which at least meant I got to shop for girly toys! And yes, we always buy two gifts (one from each kid) because we try not to treat them as a single entity in hopes that no one else will treat them as such when their birthdays roll around. 

I know it's considered gauche or whatever to assume that people will give your kid gifts, but I've never been to a birthday party where gifts were not expected, so I wish we, as parents, could all agree to simply provide a little direction on the invite. Like, "Billy is obsessed with trucks but is terrified of Bob the Builder." Or, "Sally is totally into painting and she hates Barbie." Or even, "We don't allow guns in our house and yes, that includes squirt guns." You know, something. 

But no, I was left to fend for myself. The boys, of course, could provide zero insight on what this girl likes, but I managed to find out that they think she has a Disney Princesses backpack, which is something at least...I mean, if it's even true.

So anyway, I went to Target ready to buy some princessy things, but the aisle of pink boxes paralyzed me. And there I stood, thinking: How much does this girl really like princesses? Does she want to be one? (but, really, who doesn't?) Would she like to dress up in a gown and carry a wand? Or is that too obvious and she already has enough gowns and wands? (I imagine that if I had a daughter, she would be fully stocked on dresses and wands.) Does she want to play with tiny Cinderella figurines? Do little girls even know who Cinderella is these days or is it all about Ariel and Belle? Should I get her the princess make-up kit or will her mother recoil in horror at the thought of her 6-year-old being given make-up, even it's made by Disney? Will she balk at the little fairy playset because she already has the super-giant fairyland mansion? 

Then I stopped and reminded myself that these gifts were to be from my boys. Even if they weren't actually picking them out (because I've learned that no good can come of that), they should still be things that my boys would realistically be excited to give their little friend.  So I grabbed the fairy lantern that my boys have been eyeing since last Christmas and then I went to the board game aisle and picked out Scrabble, Jr., the Dora the Explorer version. 

And now I feel slightly less crazy, because even if the kid hates her gifts, at least they're purchases we can stand behind.