Wednesday, December 24, 2008

So This is Christmas

I had every intention of writing that ever-elusive family Christmas letter and posting it here…but there’s a reason I’ve never written one. It’s too hard to cram all the ups and downs of a year into a pretty little package that is suitable for mass consumption – particularly by distant relatives and acquaintances who somehow made in onto your Christmas card list.

It’s Christmas and I will welcome a day of peace, with nothing to do but be with my husband and kids and eat cinnamon rolls and play. I am happy.

But I am also sad, because one of us is missing. And because I had to explain to Aidan today that there is a really good chance that he’s not coming back to us. Not to stay. Maybe to visit. Maybe someday, when the anger washes away and he can see more clearly. I hope so. If not for me, for them…for him.

Still, I can’t bring myself to wallow too deeply in our sorrow when I know we are lucky. My friend had a baby two weeks ago. This baby girl got RSV (a respiratory virus that is especially dangerous for infants) and is now back in the hospital fighting for her life. My friend will likely spend her Christmas divided between her daughter’s bedside and her family’s attempt at making the holidays merry for her toddler son. My heart is just breaking for her.

So yeah, I’m sad that our family isn’t all in one piece. I’m sorry that it has to be this way and yet I know that it does. But for right now, today, this minute, I know we are all safe. We all have good reason to believe we will wake up tomorrow and the day after that. So I am thankful for that and sorry that I can’t do more for the ones who don’t have that assurance.

What’s the point of all this? I guess maybe just that when you’re climbing over the piles of gifts, or climbing out from under the pounds of butter you’ve ingested today and tomorrow, head straight for the ones you love and hold them tight. It doesn’t last forever, but it can be really, really good while it does.

1 comment:

Student of Life said...

Amen. Beautifully said. Peace to your family during this tough time.