Hot Diggity Dog

It's a picture of Playhouse Disney Live. Yes, that's how we spent our Sunday afternoon. No, I wasn't trying to be artsy by using the color accent feature, I was trying to illustrate the merchandising insanity that I witnessed today. 

This picture really doesn't do it justice. I was trying to highlight the number of plastic Handy Manny hardhats that had been purchased along with a Handy Manny-branded bag of cotton candy for $10. But not only does the picture not properly illustrate the volume of hardhats being consumed, it's too crappy for you to be able to see that, in most cases, it was the mothers who ended up wearing the hardhats. I mean, I understand getting into the spirit and all, but let's try to retain just a tiny shred of dignity, ladies. 

For those who didn't spring for the hardhats (and for many who did), there was also the Handy Manny light-up spinners (super useful if your kid frequents raves), the Handy Manny popcorn box, the Little Einsteins light-up wand (which was like having a thousand tiny strobe lights blinking in the corner of your eye for the entire show), and the Little Einsteins Rocket mug (which came filled with a blue sno-cone-like substance). I'm sure there was more, but that's all that was being offered by the friendly vendors roaming the aisles of the arena. We avoided the mini-Disney store that had been erected in the lobby. Our kids are totally deprived.

Oh, were you wondering how the show was? Sorry, I almost forgot about that part...

Well, the boys had a great time. They sang and danced and didn't mind at all that they were essentially just watching a giant TV with some spastic people dancing in front of it. But I suspect that they would have had almost as good of a time just watching Playhouse Disney on TV for an hour.

My grown up opinion is that it was crap. I've taken my kids to see Sesame Street Live twice and while I didn't think either of those performances were stunning pieces of musical theater, at least they felt fun. This felt like an hour-long commercial. Like they lured us all there purely to sell us more stuff. Really, the tickets should have been free for how low the production value was. Disney surely still would have come out ahead on merchandise sales. 

The most disturbing thing, however, was the hoards of parents buying into it. Okay, I understand that when your child is 2 or 3, you get excited when they get excited and maybe you'd like to commemorate this event with a souvenir. But to see the empty looks on the faces of the moms and dads shelling out twenty-dollar bills right and left just so they could pile yet another thing onto their small children's laps...well, that's just depressing. 

I realize it was my own misguided attempt at family activity planning that led us here. I also realize that if we just canceled the cable -- maybe even threw out the TV -- my kids wouldn't even know who any of those characters were...I guess I just had some dumb idea that the people behind The Happiest Place on Earth might be able to pull off a decent 60-minute stage show. Maybe the saddest part is that they could, they just know they don't need to. 

Oh, Walt, if only you had been cryogenically frozen...then maybe there would be hope.