Your Weekend To-Dos

I have a checklist for you this weekend:

1. Go to Home Depot and buy your blue light bulbs so that you can be ready to Light it Up Blue in support of autism awareness starting on Monday. 

This what my house will look like, only less Empire State Building-like.

2. Go buy buttermilk so you can make a Donut Cake. (I'm assuming you've got the other ingredients on-hand, but maybe not.) Doesn't that just sound fun? Not only was it written by the beloved Catherine Newman, but you can eat it for breakfast, which is what I plan to do tomorrow. 

3. Tell me if I should cut my hair or grow it out for, like, the 25th time. This one is time-sensitive because I have my hair appointment in less than 2 hours...quick! What should I do?! I have yet to discern any pattern in when I choose to cut my hair vs. grow it long, so it could really go either way at this point. I'll probably just let my stylist (that's her title, shut up) decide...I think.

4. Plan a vacation - preferably to Las Vegas!* If you watch Boardwalk Empire, maybe you remember when Nucky tells Maggie "It's important to always have something to look forward to." I whole-heartedly agree. And what's more fun to look forward to than Las Vegas?! Have I mentioned we're going in, oh, 36 days? The restaurant reservations have begun.

And that is my list for you today. Happy Saturday!

*The City of Las Vegas does not sponsor this blog, but I think the powers that be might want to consider it.

A Different Kind of Different

I read the introduction of "Be Different" and I'm really excited. I can't wait to give it to Owen to read...the only thing nagging at me is how to explain Asperger's syndrome vs. autism (because John Elder Robison has Asperger's and writes specifically about Asperger's.) The simplest explanation is that Asperger's is the highest functioning end of the autism spectrum.

What trips me up is that Owen seems to be at the highest functioning end of the spectrum and yet he's been diagnosed with the broadest term "autism." This is supposedly due to the fact that when he was little he displayed echolalia, the condition common among kids with ASD where they repeat what you say rather than actually coming up with their own words (this only lasted until he was maybe 3). It's considered a speech disorder and, to my best understanding, kids with Asperger's don't have speech disorders, which means Owen gets put in the autism category.

According to Wikipedia: "The amount of overlap between high-functioning autism (HFA) and Asperger syndrome is disputed. Some researchers argue that the two are distinct diagnostic entities, others argue that they are indistinguishable."

The science in this area just still isn't altogether scientific...and the process of diagnosing autism is still very subjective. It's the combination of observation (usually by a doctor who has only known the child for a short time) and information provided by the parents. I can tell you that I did not enjoy the pressure of trying to accurately remember every milestone he did or did not reach from birth to age 3...especially considering I had twins.

Does it really matter whether Owen technically has autism or Asperger's? In the grand scheme of things, probably not - I'm well aware that the label has nothing to do with who he is as a person. But it matters to me in terms of helping him understand what exactly is so different about is brain. And, honestly, telling people your kid has Asperger's tends to be different than telling them he has autism (I've done both) - people tend to associate Asperger's with socially awkward geniuses, which is far less scary to the general public than "autism" which, unfortunately, a lot of people still don't understand.

I can't really blame people for being confused about autism since the spectrum is so broad. There's still that old picture of the child who can't speak and bangs his head against the wall or has violent outburts - and this is reality for some kids at the far end of the spectrum - but there are a million variations in between that picture and, say, Albert Einstein (whom many now think had Asperger's). There are all kinds of developmental delays, communication challenges and, most commonly, social issues that affect people with ASD.

There's no blanket approach to kids with autism because every single one is going to have his or her own quirks, issues, and gifts. Unfortunately, our world likes blanket approaches. Our public school system is built on a blanket approach to education. And corporate America is still pretty much built on a blanket approach to success. But with 1 in every 110 people in America now diagnosed with some form of autism, we're going to have to find another way.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. We were talking about Owen. My sweet, brilliant, funny little Owen. Whose traits I identify much more closely with Asperger's than classic autism...I don't know if there's a good solution to that dilemma. I'm guessing that as he gets older, it will become clearer and he'll be able to decide for himself what he wants to tell people. In the meantime, I can just keep being honest with him.

The Beginning of the Climb

The first day of my slump climb is going alright. I am still sick, so that's working against me, but I had a productive workday and it's after 5 p.m. and I'm not yet wearing my pajamas, so that seems positive.

READ

I haven't yet started reading "Be Different," but I plan to start this weekend, which is good because it's been taking me a ridiculous amount of time to get through books lately. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to put my reading of "Spoon Fed" on hold for the moment because I simply don't make enough time to read. (But so far I really, really like "Spoon Fed.") What I need is a long plane trip so that I can catch up on my reading...somehow travel did not make it into the slump climbing plan.

WRITE

Interesting news on the writing front. I awoke this morning to an invitation to write a story for a local arts publication! I mean, it was an invitation from a friend, not some crazy random coincidence or anything, but still, it supports my theory that you have to tell the universe when you want things...although technically I don't know that I knew I wanted to freelance again, but when I got the invitation it made me happy, so I guess I did.

EXERCISE

No change on the exercise front. But I've mentioned that I'm sick, right? Resolutions aside, exercise cannot resume until it no longer feels like a bear is sitting on my chest. (maybe it's more of a medium-sized dog, I don't know)

EAT

As we speak, I am cooking a wholesome dinner for my children and me! Baked chicken with green beans and potatoes! Even though I was very, very tempted just to go to McDonalds, I am proud to say that not a single component of this meal came out of a can or box...or even the freezer. Yay me!

I could skip the part about the only other thing I've ingested today being a caramel macchiato, but if I don't accurately portray the depths of my issues, how can we accurately measure my success in the end? So yeah, not a banner day of eating, but I'm finishing strong.

I know what you're asking yourself: Will every post this month be as thrilling as this one?

I promise not to use the Read/Write/Exercise/Eat template every day, but I think it will be a good way to keep me on track and also help me out on days when I have nothing to say.

And my closing thought for today: I want to wish all of you a happy beginning of Autism Awareness Month. Please do your part in helping to spread accurate information about this disorder. You can learn more at www.autismspeaks.org.

In Praise of Smart, Geeky Kids

Dr. Grandin, please find a way to turn your philosophy into an actual school my Owen can attend.

(Thank you, Jill)

May we all evolve

The other day, Owen had a meltdown. A gigantic meltdown. The kind where his whole body shakes and his fists clench and he screams and cries and he pushes you away and then, seconds later, clings to your neck for dear life.

On the surface, it had something to do with Nerf darts. Underneath, it was his ongoing conflict between the way his brain wants things to be and the way they are.

A lot of parents of kids with autism face these meltdowns daily - hourly, even. We used to struggle with them much more often. Now they happen so infrequently that I am shaken when they occur...I'm caught off guard.

In part, this is because Owen is older and he is very high-functioning. But this is also because we have adapted in the true Darwinian sense. Whereas years ago we made a conscious effort to tell him what to expect before we went places, to give him 5-minute warnings before it was time to change activities, to try to make eye contact and ask him to repeat what we had said to ensure that he was listening...now it's unconscious. It's part of our lives. It's just how things work here.

We have fewer meltdowns because we have evolved our parenting style to head-off things that cause them - and not in a spoiled, this-kid-gets-whatever-he-wants kind of way (honestly, Owen could not have simpler wants), but mainly just through a subtle difference in how we talk to him and how we expect things to go. I suppose all parents do this is some way: you do what works.

I want to be clear here: I am not suggesting that in households where meltdowns are still a regular occurrence, it's because the parents have not suitably adapted their parenting styles. I'm not preaching that we have some superior ability to outsmart the meltdowns that come with autism. I'm saying that we're lucky because we are usually able to avoid the triggers, while I realize that for some kids with autism, unavoidable things like light, clothing, and food can all cause meltdowns.

But anyway, my point is, because we've adapted, Owen's autism doesn't feel like a big deal most days. That doesn't mean we don't notice it - it's just not a daily fight for us. The flip side of this is that whenever I send my little Owen out into the big, unadapted world, I worry.

The worry related to autism are different than the typical mom worry. Or maybe it's a magnified version of the typical mom worry: Will they be safe? Will they be happy?

I worry that people won't understand him. That they will not recognize the signs of an approaching meltdown, or that they wouldn't know what to do even if they did. That they will mistake his meltdown for disobedience. That he will be ostracized or, worse, punished for what is a visceral reaction to being overwhelmed and frustrated.

I have these worries and my son is one of the most high-functioning kids with autism I've had the pleasure to meet, so I cannot imagine the kind of anxiety I would have if this disorder affected him more severely...if communication was an even greater challenge for him.

So, in light of it being Autism Awareness Month, I guess that's near the top of my Autism Wishlist: Give everyone the knowledge and empathy to recognize how hard it can be for people with autism to interact in our neurotypical world.

It's a tall order, yes, but given that it's on my list right under "Find cause" and "Find cure," it feels appropriately aspirational. And maybe achievable on some level. I'm starting with the people in our lives - maybe you can start with the people in yours? Baby steps.

If you want to learn more about autism spectrum disorders, visit www.autismspeaks.org.

Spread some knowledge, spread some love

Happy World Autism Awareness Day!

I’ve written about autism. Many. Many. Many times. It’s part of my everyday life.

With 1 in every 110 children now being diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, there’s a good chance that autism is part of your life, too – or that you at least know someone (me?) who is affected.

So how does one celebrate such a day? (Or an entire month, for that matter, since April is Autism Awareness Month.)

Well, if you’ve got a kid on the spectrum, the first thing to do is hug him (or her, but it’s four times more likely to be a him) and remind yourself how lucky you are to have this little (or big) person in your life. (This same process can be followed with typical kids even though it’s not Neurotypical Awareness Day.)

Next, you might want to consider donating to Autism Speaks or another autism-related cause. Your money could go to the brilliant scientists who are going to figure out why our kids’ brains are different and then find a cure. Or, maybe it will go toward making it illegal for insurance companies to discriminate against our kids. There are lots of other worthy efforts around autism that also need funding, but those are the two biggies at the moment.

And, my final recommendation on celebrating World Autism Awareness Day and Autism Awareness Month: Educate yourself and others. Understanding is the key to progress here.

Acceptance is a good start - all of our kids (and we, as their parents) deserve to be treated fairly. But the importance of cultivating understanding goes deeper than acceptance. If everyone understood the disorder better, we could have more support for people on the spectrum, more people working on treatments, and more people funding the research that will ultimately lead to its cause and its cure. It can start with you.

Just in case you need a cheat sheet, here are a few key points you might want to share:

• Autism is a neurological disorder that affects every person differently. It’s called a spectrum disorder because of the wide variance in symptoms and severity among affected individuals.

• More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes and cancer combined.

• No one knows what causes autism and there is no proven link between autism and vaccines.

• Children with autism have trouble relating to other people. This can mean everything from being socially awkward to being unable to speak.

• Even though there is no cure for autism, early intervention with individualized therapies has been proven to treat the symptoms of the disorder, helping kids gain many of the skills they need to learn and become functional adults. Some parents would go so far as to say that their children have actually "recovered" from the disorder. For the majority of people with autism, however, it's something they will deal with their entire lives.

That's really just the beginning, but I hope that it gets you (or someone you know) thinking and interested in learning more. In addition to the Autism Speaks site, which has tons of good information, I recommend the book " Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew." I have other recommendations too, but I'll save some of them to last me through the month.

A Month of Awareness

It's the last day of April, which means it's the last day of Autism Awareness Month. I fear I have fallen a bit short on my original goal of writing something informative about autism in every post this month, but I hope that what I have done has been enlightening and/or helpful for some of you. 

Obviously, we don't need a special month around our house to talk about autism, but I still love that such an occasion exists to help educate people about this disorder. I want Owen to grow up in a society that understands his challenges and appreciates his gifts. 

Actually, I want that for Aidan, too. I suppose that's pretty much what any parent wants. We all want our kids to be accepted and to excel. We want them to have every opportunity. But, I suppose, the real reason we want these things is just because we want them to be happy. 

It is my belief that the more we can learn about autism, then the better we can develop effective treatments, therapies and educational programs, which will ultimately help us provide our kids with the opportunity to do something pretty much everyone wants: To create happiness on their own terms. 

Thanks for your support this month and beyond. Team Owen raised $550 for Autism Speaks(!) and, hopefully, we all took an extra minute (or hour, or day) to better understand this disorder and the role we can play in supporting those who are living with it. 

I Left My Heart...

OMG, this week is half over. April is almost completely over. I am losing all track of time. 

On the bright side, the hubby and I had a lovely weekend in San Francisco. 

I don't have much to say about San Francisco other than that I love it. I love it! I can't imagine why anyone who grew up there would ever leave, but I suppose you don't appreciate it as much when it's all you know. The ocean, the mountains, the cable cars, the hills, the metropolis-meets-co-op vibe...I just love it. 

And in case you were wondering, we did have the famous Irish coffees and although I would rank them below the ones I had in Dublin, they are easily the best I've had in the States. Plus, I love that the bartenders make them in mass quantities (like, eight at a time) and still take the time to stir each one lovingly. (We sat at the bar and got to witness the Irish coffee making up close...repeatedly.)

In addition to the all-too-brief fun in San Francisco, we also had a lovely time at the main event: our friend's wedding in Half Moon Bay. So beautiful. I've decided that every wedding ceremony should include the retelling of how the couple met. It's so much more personal and entertaining than any bible verse.

Anyway, now it's back to reality and somehow I've already worked my whole work week. Time flies. 

One more thing: Even if it wasn't still Autism Awareness Month (it is), I'd want to celebrate the fact that scientists have made some genetic discoveries about autism. It's a small step, but it's promising nonetheless. After all, it's very difficult to treat something when you don't even understand what it is. Yay scientists! 

Also, maybe you saw this already, but the Economist ran this interesting story about the link between autism and genius. I would have posted it earlier, but my mom had actually torn it out of the magazine for me and I've been conditioned to ignore a lot of the magazine clippings she gives me (sorry, mom), so I only just found it under a pile of coupons. 

The Upswing

I survived my first "week" at the new job. It was good. Not particularly inspiring or fun, but good in the sense that it wasn't bad and I am earning money. 

I realize that I've been on a bit of a career roller coaster (or experiencing a bit of career schizophrenia) as of late, so the thrill of hearing about my latest "new job" may have lost its luster to some, but I couldn't help noticing how much more excited everyone seemed to be about my bakery job. Granted, I had built that job up in my mind to be full of much more promise than it ever really was, but still...I know it's more uplifting to hear about someone taking risks and following dreams, but there's also something wonderful about, say, suspecting that your car needs transmission work and knowing that you're going to be able to pay for it without wiping out your dwindling savings account. 

I'm really just trying to make myself feel better about the slide back into corporate America. One thing that helps tremendously is knowing that this is the year I will check "take family to Hawaii" off my list of goals. Because really that's what a lot of my travel does (superfluous trips to Vegas excluded), it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I wanted to see it, I saw it. I wanted to have that experience, I had it. Check and check. 

Speaking of travel, I am thrilled to tell you that I am off to San Francisco on Friday for a friend's wedding! I'm even more thrilled to tell you that our plane tickets were free, thanks to the airmiles my husband banked while traveling to and fro for his corporate meetings. Free travel is just the greatest. 

Since I've been to San Francisco before, I can't really count seeing the city as a goal, but last time I was there I was only 19, so this time I'm going to the American home of the Irish coffee, the Buena Vista Cafe, which is sort of like a goal I didn't know I had until it presented itself. "Have greatest Irish Coffee available on U.S. soil. " Soon-to-be check. 

****

In autism news, our country is making progress in ensuring fair insurance coverage for children with autism. Nevada is the most recent state whose senate has passed a bill that would cover Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy, one of the most promising treatments for children with autism. Learn more at Autism Votes. (Seriously, go learn more - you might be surprised how soon this information could come in handy). 

Cubicle Hamster

I returned to cubicle land today and I am relieved to report that it didn't feel depressing at all. In fact, despite my 47-minute commute (that's one-way), I came home feeling happy rather than exhausted. Happy!

I'm not going to get crazy and start thinking that I won't get cynical about this job - I think it's smart to approach all corporate jobs with a healthy amount of suspicion - but I have to tell you that even as I was sitting in a conference room today, having an almost-identical meeting to one that I had seven years ago at my last corporate job, rather than thinking how I'd rather be at home, I thought, "I can totally do this."

I won't lie, it makes a huge difference that I love and respect my boss. It also didn't hurt that in one of my meet-and-greets today, I learned that an employee had recently contacted the corporate team to find out if the company (which makes medical devices) could help her get a pacemaker for her relative who was in another country in dire need, without the financial means,  and that the company - my new employer - actually came through for her. It's hard to be cynical about that. 

And so, I will go back tomorrow with an uncharacteristically good attitude. But just in case you're worried that this shift in work dynamic might leave me with nothing to be bitchy and snide about, please let me assure you this is not the case. There is always something to be bitchy and/or snide about. I promise. 

On an unrelated note, the New York Times ran this article on the costs of educating children with autism this weekend. I won't be bitchy or snide about it, just a little angry that any family would have to mortgage their home (and they are not alone) to get their child the education she deserves. 

All's Well That Ends Well

I was so busy up on my soapbox yesterday that I neglected to celebrate my last day of work at the bakery with you!

I really don't have much to report, other than to say that despite the issues I have with the way they run that place and the fact that making minimum wage is depressing at my age, it wasn't a terrible job. In six short weeks, I actually met some people that I like and might even keep in touch with - the most likely being Reality Bites (whose name I am now changing to "Coffee Girl," after that Tragically Hip song). 

But in a happy ending of sorts, Coffee Girl is moments away from getting a new job, Still a Teenager already quit, and I was able to write my assistant manager a letter of reference for her husband, who worked at the bakery until his wife was promoted and is now still looking for work (she is giving it to the manager to sign and asked me to write it because, in her words, my English is so good). Plus, I came home with a box full of goodies. 

On Monday, I will reprise my role as a cubicle hamster. This weekend, I will enjoy having a mind free of strategy. 

P.S. It's still Autism Awareness Month, so I'd like to refer you to this article, which summarizes all 10 of the "Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew."

First, Do No Harm

Just as I thought I was losing steam on my autism blogs, along comes the latest controversy in the autism community. It involves this Public Service Announcement made by the Dan Marino Foundation and the Autism Self-Advocacy Network (ASAN).

The PSA is meant to show autism in a more positive light, featuring people on the high-functioning end of the spectrum (most notably ASAN founder Ari Ne'eman, an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome), proclaiming “Our lives are not tragedies.” 

Viewing the PSA as the mother of a child with high-functioning autism – and removed from any other feelings I have about the neurodiversity movement –  I felt a surge of agreement. Owen’s life isn’t tragic. We are full of hope for him. He can, as the PSA says, “speak for himself.”

The problem – and what a large part of the autism community is reacting to – is that this PSA does not give any consideration to those with autism who cannot speak for themselves. In fact, it portrays the more severe end of the autism spectrum as a myth.

Except there’s nothing mythical about children who are unable to speak, or who can’t perform basic tasks like getting dressed or feeding themselves. It’s no myth that some of these autistic individuals are unable to function independently. And not only do we not yet have a solution, we don’t even understand what’s causing it to begin with.

There is no single face of autism. Autism is the child banging his head against the wall in the corner, who has never spoken a word. Autism is also the child obsessively doodling in his notebook, speaking in lines from his favorite episode of Thomas the Tank Engine. Autism is also the child who can add five-digit numbers in his head, but struggles with answering open-ended questions.

Autism is so different for so many people that I have often questioned whether we are doing a disservice to all people with autism by classifying those who are “severely” autistic with the same disorder as those with high-functioning autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. I have, at times, felt guilty that my Owen could be taking resources away from kids who need them more. I have conversely been frustrated that the only dedicated educational programs for kids with autism focus solely on those affected severely. 

What Owen needs is a program dedicated to teaching kids with high-functioning autism in the manner in which their brains are wired to learn. Still, I understand why such a program isn’t a priority. It makes sense to me that with the limited autism resources available, we would focus them on the kids who need them most. I understand it, but I still want Owen to be given every opportunity to reach his full potential.

And that’s what I’m getting at: We’re dealing with different levels of need here…different perceptions of what the problem is. If you are an autistic individual who has little or no ability to communicate even your most basic needs, that’s a lot different than being an autistic individual whose biggest everyday challenge related to autism is that society doesn’t understand you. They are both problems, sure, but should those two people be fighting over the same pool of resources? I’m thinking not.

But can we advocate for autism research, for autism resources, for equal rights, for better educational programs and for a more informed society without tearing each other down? I’m thinking yes.

Autism is serious. While it's not life-threatening in the medical sense, it threatens quality of life. Even for my Owen, who is very high-functioning (and probably exceptional in some areas because of his autism), I already see how autism makes his life harder and I worry that it will rob him of certain joys. I cannot imagine the heartache of worrying that my son might never speak. 

I am proud of Owen. I don't ever want him to be ashamed of having autism and I don't want anyone putting limits on what he can achieve. 

But with a public that is already under-informed about this disorder, the last thing I think we need is a campaign that minimizes the impact of autism. That doesn't help any of us.  

TV Time

A couple of years ago, I began getting my boys into watching a few of my TV shows. I think it started with cooking shows and then we picked up The Biggest Loser, which I never even used to watch, but the weigh-ins appealed to Owen's obsession with numbers, so we all got hooked. 

Anyway, I'll admit that my initial reasons for introducing my boys to some of my shows was to be able to actually watch them while they were awake, versus trying to cram all my TV viewing into the few hours between when they went to bed and when I collapsed in exhaustion. 

 

Now we regularly watch several shows — The Amazing Race is our favorite, but there's also Chopped, The Biggest Loser, Will Work For Food, and sometimes Food Network Challenge. "TV rots your brain" arguments aside, I love having the opportunity to get both boys to sit in one place and cuddle them (plus, they've actually learned a few things). But I'm starting to wish these shows were still "mine" and not "ours." 

We've basically flipped scenarios, so that rather that being able to watch these shows when the boys are sleeping, I now have to wait to find a time to watch with them. And yes, of course I could just watch the shows and tell the boys they missed out, but that feels a little mean. 

And btw, thanks to the supposedly family-friendly Amazing Race, Aidan said "bitch" for the first time last night after reading it in a subtitle on the preview for next week's episode. Sheesh.

On another topic, we are only halfway through April and I'm running out of steam on these Autism Awareness Month moments. But my moment for today is a question for those other parents of kids with autism: Do your kids play tag?

I'm not sure whether it's an aversion or a complete lack of interest, but Owen is not a tag player. He does okay when he's being chased, but once he's it, he pretty much loses complete focus and ends up going to do something else — much to the frustration of his brother, who apparently like nothing better than being chased. I'm just wondering if this is typical or just another Owen-specific quirk. 

On the Road Again

This morning will start with a stop at one of my favorite kid-friendly coffee places, Java Train, where I will indulge in a Cadbury Egg Mocha...will it be good? I have no idea, but I imagine that with the amount of sugar that must be in the thing and my love for Cadbury Eggs (when I was pregnant, I kept a gallon size ziploc bag of them in the freezer), it couldn't be terrible. 

After the coffee fun, I'm on the road again, headed back to Viroqua for what I hope (vow?) will be my last trip. While I'm road tripping through the less-than-scenic roads of southern Minnesota/western Wisconsin, I thought you all might enjoy some ideas for family activities this weekend (and Mama needs some clicks):

• This Saturday is the MN Rollergirls Season Championship! Is roller derby kid-friendly? Find out. 


• Perhaps you would enjoy a nature walk or a romp through a bog? Well, have I got a park for you. 


• Or maybe you'd like to go bowling this Sunday...no wait, you'll be hunting for eggs or stuffing your face with chocolate bunnies. But maybe you'd like to bookmark this handy list of breakfast and bowling options for next Sunday. 

If you decide to do any of these things, please go back and leave comments on the Examiner site!

And in autism-related news, it looks like more celebrities are stepping up to support Autism Speaks. It's always nice when celebrities use their influence to spotlight worthwhile causes...versus making it all about themselves and their convoluted theories, which actually work against the causes they claim to support. (You didn't think we'd get through the whole month without mentioning her, did you?) 

The Things We Do

I met with my former/soon-to-be new boss yesterday to go over the details of this fab new job (code name: Ticket to Hawaii), which starts a week from Monday. Then I worked at the bakery this morning, which made me realize that I might actually miss having a zero responsibility job. 

Rolling silverware, cleaning trays, making change...they all seem so straightforward and honest now that I'm once-again faced with having to strategize about enterprise solutions for achieving business objectives. I'm not complaining, I am merely admitting to a faint sense of panic at returning to the world of corporate propaganda. But I will kill the panic by reminding myself of all the lasting memories my family will create on Waikiki Beach — and the pina coladas, I'll think about those, too. 

In my more immediate future, I've got another trip down to Viroqua to think about. This time I'm dragging my husband along for manual labor. We've been together for 13 years and he's never met my grandmother — now he gets to help empty out her house. 

I don't really want to make this trip. I'm torn between feeling like I should do it and knowing that I shouldn't be doing things just because I think I should. Still, when you've got a family as tiny as mine, I guess the "shoulds" just win out. 

The thing is, being around crazy people can start to make you feel crazy. My grandmother is a bit nuts — that's the simplest explanation for why my mother (and subsequently, me) broke ties with her 20 years ago — and in the short time I spent down there with my mom and aunt last week, I started to see the nuttiness rubbing off on them, thus threatening my own sanity. It's bad enough that I know nuttiness runs in my genes...I'd like to save my own sanity for as long as possible. 

Plus, I don't want to leave the boys again and I can't bring them with. Aidan's allergies would make it impossible to have him in that house, nevermind the other factors making it a less-than-desirable place for children. 

So anyway, I'm going. Because I should. Because I make a good buffer between my aunt and my mother. Because I know my grandma will be happy to see me. Because it's not that much of my time and it will be over soon. Sigh.

Btw, it's still Autism Awareness Month and Team Owen has now raised $550! Thanks again to everyone who donated.

Also, the Chicago Tribune ran this article today, which touches on issues similar to what we're seeing (and anticipate seeing) with Owen in school. 

We're basically balancing our hopes between teaching him to learn to function in an environment designed for neurotypical children, and helping his teachers understand that usually all he needs is a little extra understanding (and maybe several more reminders than the other kids). He's high-functioning enough to be mainstreamed, but not neurotypical enough to excel in the existing constructs of public school. It just seems like we're all guessing here...I hope we can do better before he gets much older. 

For more information on autism, visit Autism Speaks. 

Action

Several weeks ago, my therapist gave me her theory on inertia, the gist being that you have to put something into action in order to make any of things you want to have happen, happen. Despite those two crazy boys running around, my life had come to a bit of a standstill.

So I got the bakery job. I needed a paycheck and I want to learn more about pastry, but more than anything, I needed to do something. Pretty much as soon as I started at the bakery, I had an awesome meeting with the cake lady, someone whom I still hope to work for someday soon. Then I got the job at Examiner.com. 

And then, last week, out of the blue, I got an offer from one of my favorite former bosses: a part-time job that pays a living wage. The only catch, of course, is that I must return to the corporate world, where I will write propaganda, attend meetings and probably wear heels. Can I do these things? Yes, yes, I can...especially if it means I'll be able to take my family on that Christmas trip to Hawaii we've been talking about for 6 months now. 

And so, with much glee, I put in my notice at the bakery. It was met with exactly the amount of apathy and annoyance as you would expect. And yes, knowing that I'm leaving does make pouring coffee and picking up other people's food messes somewhat easier. 

I am still hoping the cake job will work out. I would gladly work two part-time jobs if it meant I was paying the bills and getting a cakucation (that's cake + education). It's a pretty good alternative to sinking $20k into a pastry certificate that I'm still not sure I'd be able to use to earn a living. It at least buys me some more time to figure it out. 

Add in the writing gig, and I'm suddenly busy. And I'm not having a panic attack about it, which has to be a good sign. So, as usual, my therapist was right...a little action can make a lot happen. 

Speaking of action, I am proud to say that a benevolent friend pushed Team Owen over its goal yesterday! Which brings us to our Autism Awareness Month moment - once again taken from "Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm:

My sensory perceptions are disordered.

This means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you, but I am really just trying to defend myself. 

To learn more about autism, visit Autism Speaks. 

Expectations

Today I'd like to start by thanking those of you who donated to Team Owen. Your generosity is much appreciated and will come back to you in many ways. (Did that sound like a fortune cookie?)

We did not reach our goal of $500 by World Autism Awareness Day, however, we have raised $375 for Autism Speaks! We are also still accepting donations, so if you've been meaning to donate, there's still time.  

I returned safely from my trip to Wisconsin to see my ailing grandmother. I am happy to report that rumors of her being near death seem to have been exaggerated. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but the woman seemed more likely to walk out the front door and drive herself home than to kick the bucket. Still, she won't be living on her own again, so her house needs to be cleaned out and sold.

I'm happy to report that the condition of her house was somewhat exaggerated as well. I mean, it's pretty bad, but I was expecting something like those hoarders you see on Oprah. This was more like a quirky old woman with 8 pets who has collected a lifetime full of stuff and never cleaned. She apparently hoarded in drawers, not out in the open. Every single drawer in that house is packed with the most random artifacts from the last four decades...it's pretty interesting, once you get past the burning sensation in your eyes from all the animal urine. 

So anyway, I'll probably be making at least one more trip down there to help my mother and aunt get the house ready to sell, but assuming my grandmother lives, she will likely be moved to a home closer to us in the coming weeks. That means that after a 20-year break, I'll suddenly be seeing a lot more of her and my boys might actually get to meet their only living great-grandparent. Strange how things work out.

Since we're speaking of my grandmother, I think it's most appropriate that we spend today's Autism Awareness Month moment with an excerpt from "Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm - a book that my grandmother actually sent to me when she heard about Owen's diagnoses. (She was a teacher back in her day.)

I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily "autistic."

My autism is only one aspect of my total character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person with thoughts, feelings, and many talents, or are you individualized by one trait? Are you fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)? There may be things that I see first when I meet you, but they are not necessarily what you are all about. 

As an adult, you have some control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out a single characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. Defining me by one characteristic runs the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don't think I "can do it," my natural response will be: Why try?

Here's to high expectations. Not just of our children, but of the doctors, scientists and lawmakers we're depending on, too. 

To learn more about autism, visit Autism Speaks. 

It's World Autism Awareness Day

Today is World Autism Awareness Day. What can you do to help spread awareness?

Here in the Twin Cities, families are rallying at the Capitol in support of several autism-related bills, including insurance reform and a bill that would establish a task force to limit the use of seclusion and restraints in the public school system - a practice I've mentioned before that scares the hell out of me. 

Sadly, I will not be attending any rallies today. Instead, I will be driving down to Viroqua, Wisc. with my mother, to say goodbye to my estranged grandmother, who just had a stroke, and begin the terrifying process of cleaning out her house...where she's lived alone for 15 years...collecting stray animals. I am shuddering at the thought. 

I will be back tomorrow and it would be such a nice surprise to find out that, in my absence, Team Owen met its goal. You can help! Thanks to everyone who has already donated - it's not too late for the rest of you. Don't make me pull out that Alicia Keys video again...wow, that thing made me cry.

Happy World Autism Awareness Day, everyone. Let's all try to help just one person learn one thing about autism today. For more information, visit Autism Speaks. 

Autism Awareness Month: Team Owen Returns

Happy Autism Awareness Month! 

Since it's day one, let's start with a basic definition of autism: 

Autism is a neurological disorder characterized by impaired social and communication skills. 

Often, people use the term "autism" when they are actually referring to "Autism Spectrum Disorder" (or ASD), a term that includes three neurological disorders: Asperger's syndrome, Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS). Autism is the core disorder on the spectrum, but the severity with which a person is affected by all of these disorders varies widely (thus, the term "spectrum"). If you want to read a more extensive definition, check out the Autism Society of America site. 

Alright, so what better way to kick off this month - and prepare for World Autism Awareness Day tomorrow - than to tell you about the triumphant return of Team Owen!

You might remember that last April, Team Owen raised a lot of money for Autism Speaks through the virtual Walk Now for Autism event. Well, we're back! This year, the walk has been branded by the good people at Nickelodeon and is therefore known as "Walk with Wubzy on the Web." (For those unfamiliar, "Wow! Wow! Wubzy!" is a show on Nick, Jr.) 

In celebration of World Autism Awareness Day, Team Owen is collecting online donations that will go to Autism Speaks. Our goal is to reach $500 by the end of day tomorrow. You can help us by visiting our team page and donating now. Either click "General Team Donation" or choose one of our names and donate on our page. Or, if you're feeling really ambitious, join our team and start soliciting donations yourself! 

We support Autism Speaks because they support autism advocacy, awareness, treatment and research. We want to find out what caused Owen's autism. We want to learn more about how to help him. We hope that someday there will be a cure. Until then, we will focus on raising awareness and finding ways to help him reach his potential in a world full of policies and processes created by people whose brains work differently than his. 

Giving money is a personal decision, so I'm not going to try to guilt you into it. Just know that your donation makes a difference. Not just to us, but to the millions of people who have autism or love someone who does. It matters.

I should also add that if just 19 of you give $25, we will meet our goal. That feels reasonable. 

Whether you give money or simply take the time to learn more about autism this month, you have my thanks in advance. We can make this world a better place for Owen and every child with autism. 

Visit Team Owen at: http://www.walknowforautism.org/waadwalk/teamowen

Distracted Genius

So, April is Autism Awareness Month. I realize that we still have 8 days left of March, but I didn't want it to sneak up on you...My goal this April is to include a fact or story or educational tidbit about autism in every blog post for the month. That doesn't mean that I'll only blog about autism next month, just that all my blogs will contain a note in recognition of Autism Awareness Month. 

Feel like joining me? The more people we can educate, the better the world will be for my little Owen and everyone living with autism. 

Speaking of Owen, today was the big 3-Year IEP Reevaluation Meeting. 

First of all, I just want to say how much it annoys me that these meetings are always so f*ing disorganized. It's not like this is a party planning committee or a casual get-together with friends. Note to public school system: When I walk into a room of supposed "experts" to hear what you have to say about my son and his educational future, I expect you to have your shit together. This includes actually reading what it is that you contributed to the report so that you can speak about it intelligently rather than reading it verbatim (grammatical errors and all) off the sheet of paper I have in front me. 

Alright, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I should say that overall the meeting was good. Or, at least, the information given at the meeting was good. He aced the Wechsler Preschool and Primary Scales of Intelligence test (phonetically known as the "wipsy" by educators). As we've known for years, the kid is a genius, only now he's got a documented IQ score of 125 to prove it. (Alright, if you want to get technical, a 125 is actually just the "very superior intelligence" level, not "genius," but whatever.) The psychologist who administered the test added that she thinks his score might really be higher, but by the end he was tired and distracted, so he didn't score as high on the final sections. 

The gist of the meeting was the usual: He is brilliant and he is socially awkward and has trouble focusing. How will all of this play out as he gets older? That remains to be seen. He will continue to get social skills support. We will continue to work with him on when he has to exert every ounce of his energy on focusing and when it's okay to relax and be silly (or stare off into space). We will try to help him learn to interpret facial expressions so as to avoid some of the embarrassing and awkward situations that such misunderstandings can cause. We will just keep doing everything we can and maybe the school's well-meaning, yet sorely underfunded and understaffed efforts will help a little too. 

All I can hope is that no matter how hard it becomes to navigate the social structures and classroom dynamics as he gets older, he can hold onto the knowledge that he is exceptional and always will be. And that we love him just the way he is. 

For more information on autism or to find out more about Autism Awareness Month, visit the Autism Speaks website.