I Am an Expert

Lifehacker put out a call for experts and as I was putting together a professional(ish) entry, it occurred to me that I am an expert in many things - and who knows when one might need such an expert?

I am an expert at raising twin boys – particularly if one has autism and both are geniuses (or at least “moderately gifted”).

I am an expert at eating cupcakes.

I am an expert at being married to the owner of an improv theater.

I am an expert at finishing raising yourself when your mom moves out during high school.

I am an expert at dying your hair purple if you don’t want to bleach it first.

I am an expert at planning trips to Las Vegas.

I am an expert at surviving a teenage stepson who made almost every bad choice (and was an asshole to boot) but is now emerging from the depths as a pretty nice guy.

I am an expert at planning parties I'll probably never throw.

I am an expert at updating my Facebook status.

I am an expert at reading dessert menus and over-ordering.

I am an expert at waking up in the middle of the night to dispense children’s Tylenol.

I am an expert at making lists.

I am an expert at over-analyzing things that don’t need to be analyzed in the first place.

I am an expert at giving hugs.