I feel like over the past four years since Owen's diagnosis, I've gone through the fear and anger and all the standard emotions, and I've arrived at a place where it's just part of our lives and usually it doesn't bother me that much. I don't curse autism daily for making my baby's life harder than it needs to be. He's healthy and happy and we're lucky for that.
So I was a little caught off guard this week when we got called into a meeting where the school informed us that even though Owen is smart - really, really smart - they think that his difficulty with expressing himself through writing (and the subsequent meltdowns it causes) will pose too much of a challenge for him to enter into the gifted program next year.
The truth is that we had the same reservations and hadn't even submitted his application to the program until we got his phenomenal test scores back. And yet...having the school tell me that put me on the defensive. It's not fair. His amazing mind is in there working away, but he just can't write a paragraph about it. (Well, he maybe could, but it's hard enough that he doesn't want to and will tell you so.)
And it made me mad, like something was being taken away from him. Like autism is taking something away from him. And I haven't felt that way for a long time.
And then I felt a little bit greedy because I know how lucky we are. Like the me from four years would be telling me to be grateful because it could be so much worse. I should be happy that he is doing so well. I should be happy that we're even talking about the gifted program. And I am.
But should I really feel grateful? Grateful that this mysterious disorder hasn't taken more from him? Like it's some penance and he's getting off easy? No.
I've come a long way, but I'm not ready to thank autism for anything.
3 comments:
Could you get Owen a tutor to help him with his written communication? How about allowing him to use a little voice recorder? There MUST be some way around this! Gifted programs are for special kids, and they aren't all special in the same ways. I'm so frustrated for you! (((hugs)))
~Ianna
He'll actually get one-on-one writing help for 30 min. 4 days/week at school next year to try to get him over this hump. The hope is he can become more proficient before entering the program. If not, they're prepared to make allowances as needed as he gets older - they just think that since he's still so young, he's better off staying in the traditional classroom.
Well, that's good news then! So glad to hear they're willing to be flexible. :-)
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