Conflicted

Some of you probably saw this story, about Stephen Wiltshire, another person with autism who has an amazing gift. I like these stories because, with all the challenges that autism poses, it's heart-warming to be reminded of the way it can also produce genius.

However, I have to admit that every time I read one of these stories of an autistic genius, I worry that even though Owen is exceptionally smart, he might not be a savant. I'm not saying he couldn't be the best in the whole world at something (in fact, I have no trouble believing that he could), I'm just saying that there's almost an expectation these days that people with autism (especially high-functioning autism) are also geniuses of some sort...at least, where the media is concerned.

So I find myself hoping he does have some exceptional gift because it would be so great for him to give a big f-you to all of the stuff he has trouble with and be able to be the best at one thing.

And then there's the flipside. I'm sure most of you saw this story in the NY Times, about Justin Canha, another young adult with autism, who is also an artist, but has struggled. He's talented, but not a savant. And his talent has not allowed him to overcome the obstacles that autism presents. It's a sadder story.

And then a friend sent me this story, which was written in response to the story about Justin. The author talks about her younger brother who is on the lower-functioning end of the autism spectrum. She was happy to see the story about Justin for the very fact that it wasn't just another story about a savant.

But what did I think when I read it? Honestly, I felt defensive. Like, why would you think this would apply to me? Owen is clearly a genius bound for incredible things.

Right. So I guess what I'm saying is that I am conflicted. Like I should be holding him to the possibly-unrealistic expectation that he will be a genius in some area...even though I don't think that's a fair expectation to place on him.

None of it matters, of course. He is who he is no matter what I may or may not expect of him. So I suppose the only expectation I should have is that he keeps doing his best.

Here's what makes me a little mad: Both of my kids are probably geniuses (I say this based on test scores, not just maternal pride). But whereas Aidan has the freedom to surprise and impress people with this information, Owen has this unfair expectation placed upon him. Like, he's expected to make up for his challenges by being exceptional at something...because we're a society in love with freakshows.

I'm cool with both of my kids being freaky geniuses. I just don't think it's fair for me or anyone else to expect them to be...me included.

Judgement Day

Yesterday was kindergarten assessment day. The boys have been registered for kindergarten since February, but apparently they put the assessments off until later...seems inefficient, but I'm pretty sure "inefficiency" is one of the public school system's values.

I thought we'd sit down, I'd meet the teacher, she'd ask me some questions about each kid and then she'd quiz them on their letters and numbers. It wasn't quite so chummy. The teacher asked Aidan to come with her without even introducing herself, then brought him into a room with a poster saying "Respect is not a gift. It has to be earned." Really? How might my 4-year-old earn your respect? I know I'm very cynical when it comes to the school system, but it seemed a little inappropriate for a kindergarten setting.

So anyway, Owen and I sat in the hall for 15 minutes until it was time to switch kids. 20 more minutes passed and the teacher emerged to say, "Sorry it took so long, we went through all of the first grade words as well." I'm glad the kids proved their super-geniusness all on their own, but had she bothered to have a 2-minute conversation with me in advance, I could have told her that they both already read beyond a first-grade level. Her only other comment was that Aidan might have trouble sitting still in class...well, at least he's got something to work on.

Let's just say I do not hold high hopes for next year in terms of intellectual development. The good thing is that the kids don't know they should be bored by spending an entire week on one letter of the alphabet. I am looking forward to seeing how Owen does in the classroom with only the support of a para. Ironically, the only pull-out service he'll get next year is social skills. The goal, of course, is that he will no longer need special support when he gets to first grade, but my own quest is to figure out whether he can successfully learn in a system designed for neurotypical kids...really, that's my quest for both of them.