Pretty Good Year

I love this photo. It just conjures up so many possibilities on what that is and where and what it tasted like. (FYI, it's a marshmallow from Three Tarts in NYC and I have to assume it was good.) Sadly, it's not my photo. It's from Cakespy, where they've counted down their 25 Most Delicious Bakery Experiences of 2008. (note: If someone would pay me to travel around eating and writing about baked goods, I could never ask for anything more.) 

I am so delighted with (and jealous of) this list, that I hereby resolve to take more pictures of my food in 2009 so that I can make a Best Meals of 2009 list at this time next year. And possibly I will also make a Biggest Home-Cooking Disasters of 2009 list as well. I didn't document all of my failures this year, but I can assure you that the pumpkin cake incident is #1. 

Ok, so what do I have to say about this year as it draws to a close? Well, to be honest, 2008 sucked in a whole lot of ways. Without rehashing the drama with the teenager, let me just say that my biggest hope for 2009 is that it will be easier for him and that it will contain far less fear and heartbreak for all of us. 

Perhaps my second biggest hope is that I find a job that is at least tolerable, if not awesome, so that we can weather this failed economy and reclaim some financial stability...and go to Hawaii next Christmas. You see, in my view, the whole point of lowering your cost of living and/or trying to make more money is that you have the freedom to experience more of life. The Hawaii experience is the goal for 2009. 

On that note, 2008 was not a total bust. I made a ridiculous three trips to Las Vegas (oh, that's where I left our financial stability) with some of my best friends. My babies turned five and started kindergarten. I had two of the best meals of my life: one on my birthday at La Belle Vie and the other at Craftsteak during trip #2 to Las Vegas. Most of all, I got to spend another year (what looks to be my last year) making a living as a freelancer and staying home with my boys. That's all pretty good. 

So goodbye, 2008. You've had your moments, but it's time for you to go.

Hello, 2009, all shiny and new. No pressure or anything, but don't let us down, okay? 

Someday My Job Will Come

In the last week I've made cookies, cracker toffee, a ham, two kinds of pumpkin pie, carmel corn, banana bread and a potato pizza. Last night it occurred to me that perhaps I'm channeling the anxiety I feel about having to get a job into cooking. (yes, well it's always obvious once you realize it)

The good news is that I'm not eating most of what I make - just bites here and there - so I will hopefully still fit into my suit if anyone ever feels like calling me for a job interview.  **Sigh** 

Job hunting was a lot easier last time I did it. I'm trying not to take it personally, as everyone is job hunting (thanks, economy!) and December is a really bad time to job hunt anyway, but, well...I'm just not used to sending out so many resumes with so few (read: no) responses. 

I mean, I think I'm still employable. Last time I checked, writing was still a skill that fewer and fewer Americans seem to possess. I can't help thinking my status as "freelancer" isn't helping my cause, since most people seem to think "freelance" is synonymous with "unemployed" or "I-lounge-around-eating-bon-bons-all-day." It also doesn't help that all of these online application systems are completely impersonal and give you no indication of whether a human ever actually sees your resume...Hello, black hole, I would like a job.  

It's just a bummer. I know I could veer out of my field...indulge my curiosity about working at Starbucks, perhaps.  (Side note: I recently read "How Starbucks Saved My Life" by Michael Gates Gill and it does paint quite a rosy picture of the mega-corp.) But what can I say? Corporate America has made me soft. I've grown accustomed to making decent money, so it's really difficult for me to get my head around no longer being able to pick my kids up from school so that I can barely make enough to pay for groceries. 

No, I'm not ready to give up yet. There's a job out there for me. Maybe even one where I can approximate the use of my college degree. Maybe even one that won't steal my soul. Maybe even one that I (gasp) like a little. It could happen.  

Goodbye Christmas

Collective exhale. The holidays are mostly over. All that's left are a few toasts and resolutions and then life can go back to trying to eat fruits and vegetables and save money. (Surely you'd all sum up your lives that way.)

Christmas was nice. Less really is more when it comes to Christmas. Less stuff, less obligations, less mess. Less, less, less. (And then more money left over to do fun things like pay bills!) 

Christmas Eve was spent seeing my dad's wife, who always makes a quick stop on her way to the bar up the street (coincidentally, we live less than a mile from the bar where my father's grade school buddies gather every Xmas Eve). Then onto the in-laws, where the boys treated us all to many squeals of delight, we got to see the teenager, who was pleasantish, and I was informed that even though it's on backorder, I am getting my coveted Wii Fit!!!!!!! I'm sure to get in shape with the help of Nintendo, I just know it. 

Then we ventured over to my stepsister's house for a Wii bowling tournament, which might be the perfect activity for a family gathering, save for the risk of losing your balance while bowling and tipping over into all of the presents...which happened once, but not to me. I have to say that I had sort of accepted that family gatherings were more tolerable than fun, but this one was fun. New tradition? Check.

Christmas morning was picture perfect. The boys were thrilled with their gifts -- all of which I already told you about except for the Price is Right game that we found on clearance at Target and turned out to be the big favorite of the day. 

My husband made the most of our $25 limit (yes, really) and gave me satin pajamas and Anthony Bourdain's book "The Nasty Bits," which, in my opinion, might be one of the best ways to spend $25. 

But one of the big highlights was finding out what the boys picked out for us on their shopping trips. Though Aidan had come very close to insisting on a bottle of Gingerbread flavored CoffeeMate Creamer for my husband, he settled on a back massager that he can strap to his office chair, which was surprisingly appropriate. Owen chose a blue travel mug. Simple and practical, that's my boy.

Apparently Owen had a theme going because he chose a coffee gift set for me, which included a travel mug and some fancy ground coffee. 

But possibly my most memorable Christmas moment came when I opened Aidan's gift...the one that my husband had informed me he was dead set on from the moment they entered the store...the one Aidan had bragged I would want to open first because it was the best...

Yes, I am now the proud owner of a Barry Manilow CD. And not just any Barry Manilow CD, no, this one includes him singing hits such as "Islands in the Stream" and "Careless Whisper." The best part is that because it was from Aidan, I have to actually listen to it. 

Thank you, Game Show Network, for alerting my child to the "fact" that Mr. Manilow is "one of the greatest recording artists of our time." Thank you.

Wishing you all an amazing Christmas

So This is Christmas

I had every intention of writing that ever-elusive family Christmas letter and posting it here…but there’s a reason I’ve never written one. It’s too hard to cram all the ups and downs of a year into a pretty little package that is suitable for mass consumption – particularly by distant relatives and acquaintances who somehow made in onto your Christmas card list.

It’s Christmas and I will welcome a day of peace, with nothing to do but be with my husband and kids and eat cinnamon rolls and play. I am happy.

But I am also sad, because one of us is missing. And because I had to explain to Aidan today that there is a really good chance that he’s not coming back to us. Not to stay. Maybe to visit. Maybe someday, when the anger washes away and he can see more clearly. I hope so. If not for me, for them…for him.

Still, I can’t bring myself to wallow too deeply in our sorrow when I know we are lucky. My friend had a baby two weeks ago. This baby girl got RSV (a respiratory virus that is especially dangerous for infants) and is now back in the hospital fighting for her life. My friend will likely spend her Christmas divided between her daughter’s bedside and her family’s attempt at making the holidays merry for her toddler son. My heart is just breaking for her.

So yeah, I’m sad that our family isn’t all in one piece. I’m sorry that it has to be this way and yet I know that it does. But for right now, today, this minute, I know we are all safe. We all have good reason to believe we will wake up tomorrow and the day after that. So I am thankful for that and sorry that I can’t do more for the ones who don’t have that assurance.

What’s the point of all this? I guess maybe just that when you’re climbing over the piles of gifts, or climbing out from under the pounds of butter you’ve ingested today and tomorrow, head straight for the ones you love and hold them tight. It doesn’t last forever, but it can be really, really good while it does.

Birthing

The boys and I watched the new episode of 17 Kids and Counting today. If you're not yet familiar with the Duggars, you have probably been living under a rock, but the gist is that they are letting God tell them how many kids to have...which basically means they plan to keep having kids until she stops getting pregnant. (I'm withholding my commentary about this, as it's not the point of this post.) They actually had a stat that popped up on the screen today saying the mom has spent 13 years pregnant. 

Anyway, this new episode featured the birth of the 18th little Duggar. (Btw, the baby was just born on Dec. 18, which means the producers turned the episode around in 4 days -- nice job, TLC!) So, Mama Duggar ends up needing a C-section, so I explain to my boys that they have to cut open her stomach to get the baby out. Aidan asked if that's what they had to do when he was born. I said no, I delivered him and his brother the natural way.

"So they had to stick their hands way down your throat?" he asked. 

Something like that.

Only in My Dreams

Last night I dreamt that I blogged. And not that I wrote some amazing blog post that changed the world or got me a book deal or anything, just that I posted a link in my blog to some other story that I read. What does that even mean? 

Maybe my subconscious wants me to blog...perhaps my subconscious should also supply me with something blog about then. 

The truth is that I've got things I could blog about, but they all seem like downers given that we're 2 days from Christmas, so I shall save them for when we're all going through the post-Christmas slump. 

In the meantime, I will keep an eye out for an amazing story to post to my blog, just in case my dream was actually telling the future. (Wow, that would be an incredibly lame use for a hidden fortune-telling skill.)