I've got a party dress

Look at me! I'm the big 3-3! (Did I miss my calling as a greeting card writer?)

Yes, here we are again at my birthday. I love my birthday. People are so nice. Things are (often) free*. And now I've got the added bonus of being able to reflect on my 40 by 40 list and see what I've accomplished and what I've got left to do.

So...here's what I've done:

4. Visit Hawaii

12. Learn to decorate a cake
23. Finish scrapbooking my boys’ childhoods (at least through age 5)
26. Visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum
40. Join the bone marrow registry

That's not shabby, really. Two required travel and one required a four-week class. Joining the bone barrow registry is quite possibly the easiest item on the list. (So easy that perhaps you'd like to join, too?)

I guess I don't really need to go into detail about any of them here since I've so conveniently already blogged about them, but man, Hawaii was awesome. And there was so much laughter on that trip to Cleveland. And the cake decorating was pretty fun, too.

Thanks go to all who accompanied me on these journeys: my family, of course, and Greta and Rachel and Amy and Gerra. And Cecilia, whose battle with leukemia got me to follow through with my first list item (ironically #40), and who has come through the tunnel and is back in good (and getting better) health.

It's been a good year. Not without its ups and downs, mind you, but good.

So what's on the docket for this year? Do I dare commit to which list items I'm going to tackle in the next 12 months? The planner part of my brain would really like me to - especially knowing that 11 of the remaining list items require travel. We're not necessarily talking about 11 separate trips, though, I'm working on ways to creatively combine them...A two-week European cruise with a side trip to Paris during which I get a tattoo and send all of my friends postcards telling them what they mean to me?

Anyway, I want to try to achieve a good balance of ones that require a lot of effort and/or money with some that don't so I don't end up at age 39 with five international trips to take. (Gee, now that I've said it out loud that doesn't sound so terrible.)

In fact, if you've got any creative (in a realistic way) suggestions on how to get more bang for my life goal buck, please let me know.

Since it's my birthday, I'm reserving the right not to think too hard about this today, but I promise to update as I decide which list items I'm going after this year.

Cupcakes and fruity drinks for all.

*Unless you go to Starbucks, where they tell people they get a free drink on their birthday, only to disappoint them by requiring a coupon that they are apparently too backlogged to send in time for said birthdays.

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

It's been dark and stormy since last night (when my little Owen came crawling into bed with me because he hates lightning) and I have been sick with this chest cold/fever/crap since Wednesday, so this morning I took the kids to Edinborough Park, our local, gigantic, indoor playground. 

When the boys were two and a half, I took them to this same playground and ended up having a panic attack, as I was sure that I had lost Owen somewhere in the maze of nets and slides for eternity. (Note: The playground is enclosed to prevent escape, but this did not comfort me.) I don't know whether I was more scared that I really wasn't going to find him or that he would realize he was lost and end up crying, alone, traumatized for life by playground equipment, but it was gut-wrenching enough that I didn't take them back for a year. 

A year later it was only slightly better, as I grappled with either having to climb through the 37-foot-high monstrosity with the kids (not as fun as you might imagine), or hover at the bottom, biting my nails and hoping they would eventually emerge from one of the six million slides and tunnels. If the boys hadn't loved it so much (and if winter wasn't so long and depressing), I would have just sworn the whole thing off, but instead I kept going back for more, hoping I would get braver right along with the boys. 

During all of these visits, I silently cursed (and envied) the moms who were lounging around the perimeter, leisurely sipping coffee and reading books, seemingly unconcerned with the black hole-like qualities of this play structure.

Well, today, I got to be one of those moms! After remembering to stop at Starbucks on the way (there is nothing but overpriced vending machines in the play area) we arrived at the park. I told the boys to stay together, and they were off! And there I sat, sipping my carmel macchiato and reading my book, trying not to notice the throngs of parents anxiously searching for their children or, worse, yelling up at them, trying to get their attention from 30 feet away. 

I had to stop myself from snickering when the mother next to me turned and asked, "Excuse me, but where is the Starbucks?" as if there was a beacon of hope in this chaos. "I stopped on the way," I shrugged, as she dejectedly sipped her $2 bottle of diet cherry cola. 

And so, the park that I once feared and loathed has become my ally...a peaceful place...a solution to the conundrum of how to entertain children on a rainy day, without TV, while simultaneously being able to read several chapters of a book of my choosing.  

There are days when I miss when my boys were babies. And then there are days like these.

Someday My Job Will Come

In the last week I've made cookies, cracker toffee, a ham, two kinds of pumpkin pie, carmel corn, banana bread and a potato pizza. Last night it occurred to me that perhaps I'm channeling the anxiety I feel about having to get a job into cooking. (yes, well it's always obvious once you realize it)

The good news is that I'm not eating most of what I make - just bites here and there - so I will hopefully still fit into my suit if anyone ever feels like calling me for a job interview.  **Sigh** 

Job hunting was a lot easier last time I did it. I'm trying not to take it personally, as everyone is job hunting (thanks, economy!) and December is a really bad time to job hunt anyway, but, well...I'm just not used to sending out so many resumes with so few (read: no) responses. 

I mean, I think I'm still employable. Last time I checked, writing was still a skill that fewer and fewer Americans seem to possess. I can't help thinking my status as "freelancer" isn't helping my cause, since most people seem to think "freelance" is synonymous with "unemployed" or "I-lounge-around-eating-bon-bons-all-day." It also doesn't help that all of these online application systems are completely impersonal and give you no indication of whether a human ever actually sees your resume...Hello, black hole, I would like a job.  

It's just a bummer. I know I could veer out of my field...indulge my curiosity about working at Starbucks, perhaps.  (Side note: I recently read "How Starbucks Saved My Life" by Michael Gates Gill and it does paint quite a rosy picture of the mega-corp.) But what can I say? Corporate America has made me soft. I've grown accustomed to making decent money, so it's really difficult for me to get my head around no longer being able to pick my kids up from school so that I can barely make enough to pay for groceries. 

No, I'm not ready to give up yet. There's a job out there for me. Maybe even one where I can approximate the use of my college degree. Maybe even one that won't steal my soul. Maybe even one that I (gasp) like a little. It could happen.  

Giving Thanks

Here is where I write the floweriest, most eloquent post about how thankful I am for my husband and my kids. About how much they mean to me, and not in that syrupy Hallmark way, but with meaningful words that accurately convey the depths of my emotions...

Except that's really not gonna happen, so instead, here are some other things I'm feeling thankful for as I sit here in my Cakespy Yum! apron, preparing for the fiasco that will so be my annual Thanksgiving brunch. 

I am thankful...

1. for pumpkin pancakes. They are not only delicious, but they gave me an excuse to make brunch our tradition, thus freeing me from ever having to cook a turkey.

2. that my dad was here the first Thanksgiving that I ever made these pumpkin pancakes and that he held my boys even though they were still tiny and it made him totally uncomfortable.

3. for Starbucks and their seasonal drinks. I can't help but feel better when sipping a peppermint mocha. 

4. for my therapist, who helps me make sense of the chaos that is often my life and pushes me to act out of love rather than fear.

5. for Tivo, for allowing me to feed my reality TV addiction without ever having to remember when anything is on.  

6. for my friends, who listen patiently and always say the right things when I am in the midst of a crisis, even though they probably have other things they'd rather be doing.

7. for Las Vegas, where I will be just 76 hours from now(!), evading the nervous breakdown that's been knocking at my door.  

8. for everyone who reads my blog. It's really an honor to have so many people take time out of their day to read my random thoughts and neurotic ramblings. (Comments are always appreciated!)

There's more, of course, but my brunch guests are arriving in 40 minutes, so I must get out of my head and back into the kitchen. I hope you all find lots to be thankful for today.

Happy Thanksgiving!