Cold Turkey

I recently went off my anti-anxiety medication (Celexa) cold turkey. I had intended to step down off of it, but I guess my brain had other plans since I found myself suddenly forgetting to take it for three days in a row.

I decided to quit after my doctor confirmed that I had gained 8 lbs. in just six months. Add that to the weight I started gaining two years ago when I switched birth control, and then the normal couple pounds a person gains each year as they get older and it’s a lot. The meds were the obvious culprit for the recent weight gain – my doctor said that she had seen other patients gain 20, 40, even 60 pounds on the same or similar meds.
“You don’t want to keep gaining eight pounds every six months,” she said, eyeing my 5’1” (and a half) frame. No, I certainly do not.
So, it’s been nearly two weeks and I feel...anxious. And tired. And overwhelmed. And unmotivated. In other words, not great. I don’t yet know how much is withdrawal and how much is what I blissfully forgot I felt like before the meds.

It’s weird because I didn’t think the meds had made a drastic difference. I felt better, sure, but I had described the effect as merely “taking the edge off” my general neuroses. Now that I’m returning to my natural state, I’m finding myself getting much more easily frustrated, the house feels much dirtier, and I’m in a constant state of trying to remember what I forgot to do. This is what I used to feel like most of the time. This is why I went on the meds in the first place.

The fact that I’d been coping with all of this without meds for so long made me think that my anxiety wasn’t that big of a deal…and in the sense that I am able to function in society, I guess it’s not – is “functionally anxious” a term? – however, I can’t help aspiring to do more than simply function.

What does all of this mean? I have no idea. In the short term, I plan to use my yoga breathing and channel all this anxiety into losing weight. I’m shooting for an even 10% of my current body weight. It’s not going to be easy since I have almost no willpower and I still hate exercise, but I’m hoping Minka Kelly’s belly will supply enough motivation to keep me jogging and crunching for at least a little while.