Making Friends (or Not)

Tonight was the annual school carnival. I dread this event for all the regular reasons, such as it's a waste of money, it's loud, they pump all the kids full of sugar, they give them bags of cheap plastic crap, and there are about a thousand ways I'd rather spend a Friday night.

I continue to go, of course, because my boys love it. Every classroom is transformed into carnival games (that cost $1 per play), there are mini donuts, a bounce house, and the principal dresses up like a ring master. It's elementary school nirvana.

Tonight, however, I found it depressing. I mean, sure, I'm used to the usual isolation that I feel at school events because all the parents seem to be friends (church friends, golfing buddies, ECFE friends, etc.), but tonight I noticed that my kids don't really seem to have friends like the other kids. I've suspected as much for awhile, but it was more obvious tonight. All the kids were ditching their parents to wander the halls in groups. Many had made plans to meet up in advance. My kids said hi to a few people, but didn't seem to share a connection with anyone. Even Aidan's "BFF" seemed to be more interested in hanging out with other kids than with him...(Later, I asked him about it and he said, "I know she's not mad at me because I didn't do anything." Can you hear my heart breaking?)

I know Owen is well-liked, but isn't hard-wired to seek out close friendships. Aidan is sweet as can be, but  he seems to be socially awkward in the most painful way. The harder he tries, the worse it gets. And he's sensitive and wants to fit in. Poor thing.

And of course I worry that it's at least partially our fault, for being so overwhelmed by having twins that we never made much of an effort to socialize them...for generally not being good at meeting new people...for not going to church...for not joining the PTA...for not living on a block with kids their age. Who knows all the things we probably could have done to set our kids up for social success? The point is, we didn't. And neither of them seems to have the innate social skills to compensate for the hand they were dealt in the parent department.

I'm not being all fatalistic here. They do have a couple friends. The scene tonight just made me a little sad. Because sometimes I just want things to be easy...and I guess some thing are. Algebra and chemistry will probably come easy. A group of friends to hang out with on a Friday night? That might be more of a challenge. Sigh.