Disobedience

I finished reading “Death by Pad Thai and Other Unforgettable Meals” yesterday. It’s a collection of short stories about food experiences. Good book. A little self-indulgent with all the authors managing to work in references to the books they’ve had published (which, in most cases, adds little to the stories about food), but still good.

As usual, I was struck by one particular sentence in one story. Naturally, it had nothing to do with food. In her story, “Yes,” author Lan Samantha Chang is speaking of her younger self and writes, “It was easier to obey than to learn what I wanted.”

I could give you the entire context of the sentence, but it doesn’t actually matter. It struck a chord with me all on its own, removed from the story, as a description of my childhood and of why I’ve had so much trouble finding direction as an adult. Not that I always did everything I was told, but I was careful to keep the things I felt I shouldn’t be doing separate from the things I knew were expected from me. On the surface at least, I was a very obedient child.

I’m thinking of all of this, of course, in relation to the teenager, whom you could say is backsliding, but I suspect that he never actually moved forward in the way we thought. Let’s just say his determination to be stupid has become obvious once again.

This idea of obedience as the easiest path is one of the reasons I have so much trouble understanding him. I can’t put myself in his place because I can’t fathom being so blatant and unapologetic about my indiscretions. Why make things so hard for yourself? It’s so much easier to accept the opportunities people offer you…why would you go out of your way to screw up every chance you’re given?

In an effort to see the bright side (sometimes you really need to find a bright side), I’d like to think that his compulsion for disobedience will help him find his own way. Maybe earlier in life than others do.

Of course, the combination of disobedience and mushy teenager brain is not producing stellar results right now, but I hope that someday, somehow he’ll have to grow up a little bit. He’ll have to start recognizing when he is choosing the opposite path because it’s what he wants and when he is just doing it to be a pain in the ass and he’ll have to start to see how one produces much better results than the other...right?

Because I can appreciate disobedience when it comes from a well-intentioned and healthy place. I hope he gets there.